Fertility Treatment Journey

I have spent most of my fertility treatment journey in my head because I struggled to share my story with most people. And although hubby, mama and my girlfriends were around it was not always the same talking to them about this journey. I did not think that they could relate with what I was going through. I also felt I needed to be strong for them so that I could avoid them worrying about me.

This meant I would work out most of scenarios in my head looking at pros and cons to then find the ‘best’ solution before I really consulted with anyone, my husband included. Although I knew he would support me, I feared he would take an easy route given he had kids of his own already.

After a year and half of trying to conceive, I called fertility treatment clinics to book appointments before talking to my partner. I knew most of these treatments were not even covered by medical aid, and I knew we had no sufficient savings to tap into post some of the family losses we had had in the recent months however I still went out to make appointments.

I decided on my own on which fertility treatment plan i.e. combining IVF with homeopathy. I had not heard or read anywhere about that combination, it just made sense to me. Both plans meant cash out of pocket but I knew somehow a plan will happen.

When our first embryo transfer failed I remember our session with our doctor where he was taking us through the next steps, the option that he was leaning towards was to take a break, i.e. we take a 3 months Lupron treatment to clean and balance hormones then resume 2nd quarter of the following year. But geez😔 it meant more waiting for me. And so I chose the 2nd option which was to retrieve more eggs before we go into the recommended treatment. That would make the process shorter post the treatment. In my head that was the route that made sense and I did not think we needed to think about. Mind you by then we were already in debt. We had taken a loan for the first transfer.

Thank God I have a very understanding husband else these impulsive decisions made in my head could have caused a huge rift between us.

Looking back, I spent most of my time and energy putting on a brave face, being in control BUT inside, I was shit scared, clueless and very lonely. I did not want to tell anyone how I really felt because I didn’t want them to tell me to stop. I was petrified that someone would actually plant a seed of doubt in my head. So I chose to loose myself in the process.

What would I do different if I had to go through that journey again?

I would find someone completely independent to talk to. Someone who had been down the same journey. Someone whom I knew would not judge me on my low days. Someone who I could cry to without them trying to compare my story to their unrelatable experience.

I KNOW IT WOULD HAVE BEEN EASIER….. AND BEARABLE……

These are some of the many reasons why this blog was started, no one has to go through this journey on their own.. I am here to listen, support and walk with you on your journey…